This is the story of Bud Light Jesus™
It’s as old as time itself.
Bud Light Jesus™ was white as Irish sand,
Bud Light Jesus™, born in Bethlehem.
Born of a virgin woman, born as a sacrificial lamb.
Bud Light Jesus™
Every day he roamed the land
In search of peace, work, and a killer tan.
Bud Light Jesus™ has profound, spiritual teachings no mortal man could tell
Brought to you by the U.S. Army™, Chevrolet™, and the NFL™
He hates the poor, detests the sick- Bud Light Jesus™ would never waste his time on them.
He hates the Muslims, and all those from the Middle East and the Middle West,
As well as the gays and the lez.
“Fuck ‘em”, he says.
But, Bud Light Jesus™ loves you,
And all of the things you do
Buy another round.
Touch her ass in the bar, despite her winces and frowns,
Pray, then find the weak and the vulnerable as prey,
Bud Light Jesus™ thinks you’re doin’ OK.
Like your country club, you’re only goin’ to heaven
If you have a good credit score,
It does not matter that you get stoned like a Biblical whore.
Bud Light Jesus™ sees the beauty of wealth we all adore,
Bud Light Jesus™ detests the poor, crushes the weak.
Bud Light Jesus™ will not trust the world with the meek.
If you got problems, need guidance,
Or are of the weak, the sick, the vulnerable
Then you can go fuck yourself, we’ll see you in Hell.
Eternal evisceration, mutilation and death
are all that waits, you scum of the Earth.
How dare you interrupt Bud Light Jesus™!?
And his teachings of material worth?
The stone rejected from the mason, was rejected for a reason.
If you don’t fit with us, you will be deported and beaten.
Thus sayeth Bud Light Jesus™.