COVID-19 Considerate Mass Shooter Mows Down Innocent People From Home

DES MOINES, IA – Deranged sociopath and local hero Kyle Glasier, 34, announced his plans to unleash his unbridled rage onto the world in a manner that will both inflict the same perceived cruelty he’s suffered his entire life and follow safety precautions of the COVID-19 pandemic.

In his 218 page manifesto, Glasier describes that if he were to finally snap before the pandemic he would have, “…probably opened fire at a Soulja Boy show at the Southridge Mall with an AR-15, shot myself, and called it day. You can’t be too careful these days, though. I would hate to pass along the virus to someone from a hot full-metal jacket entering their chest. It is a respiratory virus, you know? Not only that but Soulja Boy cancelled last minute.”

The part-time busboy and full-time moderator of several incel forums went on to describe how others can follow his lead in being a socially-conscious mass murderer.

“First of all: no pistols or shotguns. I get that they’re fun to use on your delusional projections of that girl that rejected you in college but they’re only effective at short range. There is no way that you could get a clean kill on a mother of three children without breaking the six feet social distancing protocol. The same thing goes for small and medium-sized automatic firearms. If you want to do this right and keep your victims and yourself free from the COVID-19 virus you’re gonna want to use a good, old-fashioned hunting rifle.”

Glasier, who was found pointing his .243 Winchester onto a busy intersection out of his bachelor suite explained that he has been following Stay at Home protocol orders by picking off pedestrians for the past 33 hours. He also assured us that a clean shot was always made as his rifle is resting on his enormous collection of hardcore pornography depicting torture, sexual assault, and humiliation with bodily fluids.

“Look, I’d love to barge in to a female-only campus, movie theatre or a church as much as the next regular entitled, frustrated Joe but that’s just not reality right now. We are living in a crisis and need to make sacrifices for our nation.”

“Now is not the time to be selfish,” Glasier said as he wrote another twisted page in his manifesto describing how he would slaughter all of the ‘Staceys’ that refused to have sex with him and would get off at the sight of their crimson blood flooding the summer Iowa concrete.

At press time, Crawford was found respecting front-line workers by wiping down his ammunition with Clorox wipes and washing his hands before opening fire on police officers and his parole-appointed psychiatric therapist.

Invisible Enemies

Feminists smash the patriarchy
with the tools of fascism and anarchy.
They destroy their oppressors,
with slogans and letters.
Echo chambers far to the left of sensibility
regurgitate the thoughts that they are told is right,
and what is left of critical thought, of responsibility?
We will worry about that once the patriarchy is on its knees.
Everybody has invisible enemies.

Incels cry and they wail,
that this cruel world has cursed this selection of males.
Women only want the rich, the strong, the handsome, the tall, and the Chads.
Women only want what I do not have.
Instead of spending time with the fairer sex,
they hide in putrid basements, they utter putrid heinous threats.
They sleep on stained mattresses, only to wake to wallowing in self-pity.
Echo chambers feed the entitled, lost without an identity.
Everybody has invisible enemies.

The gays are destroying our morals and families,
the church prescribes with a twisted glee.
They are pushing an agenda, they are here to convert your children
No one is safe, they will not rest until the world is a cauldron of sin.
If they must live that way, do not push it down our throats,
Do not rant and rave, do not shout or gloat.
Your children are safe with us, never-mind that we relocated your priest suddenly.
We are educated enough to know that you can make that choice in secrecy.
Everybody has invisible enemies.

The corporate investor growls and hoards his cache.
He damns the threat of his inconvenient past.
His employees are greedy,
His government is needy.
He had to work hard to get where he is,
His father spent a lot of money to persuade the Yale selection list.
Echo chambers far to the right of sensibility, bicker and tear at the seams,
you can’t deride the boy- he was a good student and a part of the football team!
So what if he made some girls do things they didn’t want to at a few parties?
This is a witch-hunt, the ramblings of a jealous mob seeking to destroy the American Dream.
Everybody has invisible enemies.

It is far easier to point a finger
than to look yourself in the eyes in the mirror.
You may have flaws, but theirs are far worse.
And they are lethal, they must be dispersed.
Onwards we fight,
to slay the creatures of the night.
We believe they are out there, lurking to destroy us.
We need to believe, or else we’d have to look inside, where they dwell and they fuss.
It is our duty to end these atrocities.
To end our invisible enemies.